Sadness

This week began in sadness. Not that any week has been happy since Emrys left us, but they have been somewhat bareable. We received bad news on Monday, October 21, 2024, and I immediately began to panic. Ms. F, Mike’s grandmother, passed away. I have not mentioned Mike and his family yet, but believe it when I say that they have played a very significant role in our lives. We were neighbors for quite some time, and share many memories. But that look she would give me when I was frustrated and venting . She just knew I was going to start cussing, and I would get that look.

And Mike and his mom, Ms. Ruby, we had to see them. They need to know that even though we are suffering, we will set our pain aside and be there for them. That is what family is supposed to do, and to us, they are family. So I called work and let them know that I would need to be unavailable, and Juju and I went.

The sight of Mike was devastating. I felt his pain deeply. He was drowning inside. He had lost the Love and Light he had found when he held Emrys, and now, he had lost his Strength. And I cannot let him go to that place, because getting out of it is torturture, and if you make it out, it will haunt you, and you will be fighting against it for I don’t know how long. I was there, and I fight it every single day. And no matter how much it hurt me, I knew what I had to do.

As Juju and I walked towards him, I braced myself for the impact, and ask Our Tiny Angel for guidance. And when I hugged him, I took in as much of the darkness as I could, and returned some the Light he got to know on the only day he got to hold Emrys. I stepped aside, and felt a tiny spark when Juju did the same.

Mike has always known that we are a little different, and judging by the look on his face, he has reached a certain level of understanding.

Now, it is almost 1:30 AM on the 24th, and I feel the heaviness setting in. The tears spill out of my eyes. My shoulders are tense. My throat is becoming tight. And its getting hard to breathe. The pain has not gone away. I’m just getting better at holding it in so that others don’t have to see it. Because I have learned that this undescribable pain is actually offensive to some. But that is a battle I refuse to entertain. I choose to prepare myself to fight a war instead. And the fact that it is about to be FIVE MONTHS WITHOUT EMRYS provides me with the fuel to ignite the fire of TRUTH.