It is December 11, 2024. It is 12:30 AM. On the 6th, Emrys would have been 7 months old. Juju and I would have been prepping his fruits, meats, and veggies. All organic of course, because the Little King would receive the best of everything. In my mind, I can clearly visualize how he would come crawling to my room to interrupt me while I’m working, or doing a card reading. I can see Raven and Isis blocking him so that he couldn’t get into anything. And I can picture the new dog, Canelo, sitting there staring, and snorting, and wondering “What the heck is that thing?”And the one thing I did not want to picture just popped into my head: Emrys pooping, and Canelo farting, at the same time. I would cry!
I couldn’t Write on the 6th. I have been a little ill, and my emotions have been flying high. It did not help that Mr. D showed up, and demanded that I get downstairs with the wagon. Once again, he pulled his crap on the wrong day. I had previously explained to him that a spell is really just words with intention, and I had told him that he really would not like it if I treated him like he treated me. He did not listen with his cocky self and I reacted. I took every key word he used in those hurtful moments and in an email, I turned them back on him. I broke that nasty spell in the most hurtful way. But I kept something with me. I kept the words from the most beautiful moments.
That did not feel good. I cried after. I lasted a day before I sent another email explaining why those words and what those words did to me. I also explained the words I kept and why I kept them. Then I listed the promises I made him, and seale it all with clarity, peace, light, and love. I feel better after holding myself accountable. I don’t know if he will ever read any of that, but at least I was able to speak my mind without interruption.
I cry every day now. That is a good thing because holding everything in for all those months was making me sick. I lost over 40 pounds, and that is not a good thing. I also made a friend. My new friend is two-spirited and is incredibly kind. It is okay to cry in the presence of this friend. Crying does not decreased my value as a person.
Juju and I allowed an old friend to come visit. I will call him J. He works for the government so it is best to not go into too much detail. But he had been worried about us, so we allowed the visit. And he brought a bottle of wine. It was a bottle from his collection that sits covered in a whole lot of dust. But it was shiny. He washed it, and laughed as we remembered the crap I would talk about his dusty bottle.
And… we let David come. When Raven saw him she started squeezing, and running, and jumping, and
kissing him. Raven and David have a history. Raven ate his glasses and stole his mentos when she was younge. He had to drive blind for a week. But they have a lot of love for each other. We like to joke and call them The Lovers.
I am crying again. I cry for love that is lost, unfulfilled dreams, never ending pain, and the knowledge of how cruel this world really is. And I cry because no matter what I see, I cannot speak. We have been silence for I don’t know how long. And it a horrible feeling. The only thing giving me strength and a little bit of joy right now if the fact that A Divine Gift: Emrys’ Story will be available for purchase in just a few hours.
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